meme
/mēm/
Noun
1. An element of a culture or
behavior that may be passed from one individual to another by nongenetic means,
esp. imitation.
2. An image, video, etc. that
is passed electronically from one Internet user to another.
Some memes I see on
the internet are great, they raise a smile and pass on. The one I saw today on
Facebook might on the surface seem quite nice:
"I am a mother, my children were a gift
and not a right"
And yet it hurt. As
someone who spent many years thinking I might never have children you could say
I have a chip on my shoulder, but bear with me while I pick this apart....
Merriam-Webster on
line dictionary defines 'gift' with the 3 following meanings
(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gift)
Gift:
1: a notable
capacity, talent, or endowment
2: something
voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation
3: the act, right,
or power of giving
A gift once given
is owned by you. I do not own my children. Furthermore it is not a 'talent' for
a child to be born, they have absolutely no say in the matter
Gifts are free;
therefore something you have to pay for is not a gift. So if my children were a
gift then the fertility treatment would have been free. It wasn’t. And it certainly
isn't free on the NHS because a) the NHS is paid for by National Insurance
contributions and b) you are VERY lucky if you qualify for fertility treatment
on the NHS.
If children are a
gift to be given then I feel the inference is that there is a higher power that
decides whether or not to give children to us. I have yet to find any evidence
of a higher power (that's why I'm an atheist) and so I also reject this idea of
children as gifts but if there is a god why allow children to be born into famine
or war zones? If we agree instead that with or with out a higher power to
direct us man and woman have free will then why are people even in the most
dire of circumstance still deciding to become parents? Is it really a choice or
is it because there is a huge biological imperative that drives us to
procreate?
The World Health
Organization does recognise
infertility as a disease of the reproductive system. In the UK NICE
recommends that the NHS should fund treatment for infertility
because children are not just good for a successful nation, they are essential
to it. The economic benefit that one child brings to the country is not
outweighed by the huge costs of even 3 rounds of IVF.
So it could be
considered that someone in the UK eligible for NHS treatment might have a right
to IVF, yet that in of itself is not a right to have children.
If children were a ‘right’
we would allow them to stay with continually abusive parents. A responsible
society doesn’t do that, they support the family to help improve the parenting
and if that doesn’t work ultimately they remove the children from that
situation and hopefully find them a new family who will respect, love and care
for them.
Children are
neither gift nor a right; they are a huge, awesome responsibility.
I would prefer a
meme that said:
Anybody could become a parent but it takes time, responsibility and determination to earn the title Mummy or Daddy.
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